Thiruvannamalai: Living with death

1.

Seeing one of my earlier postings, a close friend and relative remarked on Sankara's notion of nirguna brahman - which he thought was another logical flaw.

I felt that the notion had some relevance in the light of science. Our senses, and, therefore, perception, imagination, memory and thought, are limited. Beyond human senses, science uncovers a universe so micro and macro, that has no gunas.

The reality out there is constructed by us. In fact, we are that.

In death, all our senses (beyond the traditional five - if you look at the cell types in the Dorsal root of the spinal chord, there are eleven) cease functioning. Ramana did an interesting experiment and came out looking like he does in his photographs: absolute openness to the universe.

2.

I reached the gates of Ramanashram at about two in the morning.

I would like to have a bath and lie down somewhere till the morning breaks.

You can't - the guardian for the Bhagavan said.

So I sat around in front of the shops opposite (and got my dhoti wet), on a culvert (too close to the road), on a wooden platform... and thought about death, listening to the mosquitoes.

Two policemen kept stopping all vehicles, except buses.

Seven or eight saffron clad old men came out from darkness to receive something from a passerby. And dissolved into darkness. One of the coughed.

Buses came and went, some dropping people, including some firangis; some others picked up locals.

Many people were walking. With purposeful strides. All passing left of frame, towards the policemen and beyond.

A lady of about 30 came when everything was quiet, at about 3:30 or so. She did a namaste to "bhagavan", turned around doing namaste to the world at large, prostrated in front of the gate, got up and left, again to the left, striding purposefully.

Not bad, I thought. A young lady at night, at this time. Must be a very safe town for women.

That one insight that Ramana had... I sat considering death for a while.

I play dead on the wooden platform, my legs sticking out, while my little sisters sing and feast on me.

Not just senses, but breathing which attracts my sisters and the flow of blood through my veins!

Savasan.

3.

Got up refreshed. Started walking.

Scorpio and Sagittarius in the sky above. My wife, son and I had walked this street three decades ago. It has changed.

Tibetan food, Kashmiri handicrafts,... I understand the economic need for a Bhagavan.

But for me, Ramana is human, my long lost friend and guide who taught me how to live - by dying everyday.

Then I had a doubt.

Bhagtha, Bharta, Bhogtha, Maheswara...

Perhaps. I have no way of knowing till I experiment and experience it myself.

I reached the bus stand, had tea, cigarette, relieved myself, bathed and left to see another grand master.